Today we are all cheeseheads

When I file my taxes each year as an expat, I find myself wondering what benefit there is to being an American citizen, other than the Navy rescuing me from Somali pirates in a daring raid.

Then I think of my solidly working-class cousin, his wife and their two kids who benefit from state-funded health care and public schools, and I remember that taxes exist for a reason: Because humans are selfish assholes who need a push to contribute to the upkeep of a society that we grudgingly admit benefits us.

I don’t want my friends and family to live in a third-world shithole, and if the prospect of owing US income tax despite never planning on moving back to my place of birth means they can continue to pretend the American dream is real, I’m okay with it.

But the Republican party has started an all-out war against the American people, focusing on turning women into chattel by defunding vital health and welfare programs, creating their own death panels by voting against programs to help the uninsured and underinsured, and overturning hard-won labor laws—including restrictions on child labor—by pitting working Americans against each other.

Yes, those lazy, greedy Wisconsin teachers who only work half days with summers off and who aren’t willing to subsist on a pittance even though molding the minds of our beautiful, perfect children should be reward and sustenance enough for them.

This divide-and-conquer tactic is working by preying on people’s base prejudices and fears and by moving us away from the inclusiveness of “Ask what you can do for your country” to the Mad Max Thunderdomeness of “Fuck you, country, I got mine.”

A blue-collar worker who dares to have “Cadillac” healthcare coverage and a pension like members of Congress is decried by Republicans as a thief who is all but bringing down our economy, but a white-collar executive linked to the largest Medicare fraud in the nation’s history is rewarded with the governorship of Florida.

You—the American who cannot afford to be without a job—are expected to embrace personal responsibility, but the people who want to hold you to that standard do not want to be held to it themselves.

If it weren’t for a union, my father wouldn’t have been able to retire on a disability pension, with lifetime health benefits, at the age of 42 and then spend the next 14 years welded to the couch watching Fox News and regurgitating their talking points at taxpayer expense.

He’s typical of those who embrace modern conservatism but who are not at the top of its food chain: Bitter people resentful of those who have succeeded or who manage to have a positive outlook despite failing. They can only find some semblance of meaning in their lives by being spiteful and wanting everyone to be as miserable as they’ve made themselves, and the Republicans have given them a means to do so.

No, it’s not “fair” that suburban New Jersey police in low-crime townships can easily earn US$100,000 with overtime, just like it’s not “fair” that Kim Kardashian’s ass can charge US$30,000 just to show up at a party. But that’s what happens when you have leverage. If you don’t have it, find a way to get it. And the best way to get it if you’re not part of reality TV’s elite is to collectively form a union and speak as one voice.

Chances are, I wouldn’t like you in person. You smell funny. You insist on pronouncing Buenos Aires like an Argentine even though you’ve never left Cherry Hill. You participate in a capella flash mobs on the subway. You think “Two and a Half Men” is the greatest sitcom since “Alf.” But you know what? We’re all in this together.

The ruling class wants to turn the country into one big company town. Bush’s goal of an ownership society is coming to fruition, and it’s not about you owning shit but about someone owning you.

So, today we are all cheeseheads. Velveeta la revolución, motherfuckers.