Hoje eu vou à praia

I'll be in the Philippines for a week, staying at this resort. It's in an area noted for Muslim terrorist activities, including two Americans being taken hostage (with one subsequently killed in a shootout) during a raid on a resort several years ago, but what's life without a little risk?

When you get that not-so-fresh feeling...

Causeway Bay is a main shopping and entertainment area of Hong Kong Island, and on nights and weekends, police close some streets to traffic. Businesses take advantage of these temporary pedestrian-only thoroughfares by setting up tables to hawk their goods or by hiring people to dress as ears of corn or slabs of red meat to pass out flyers. On Saturday, I passed a dance extravaganza sponsored by Nivea to sell their lemongrass-scented deodorant:

Sign says what?

It must be weird, not having anybody come on you.

"Showgirls" is one of my favorite movies. I make no apologies for it. Just when you think it's gone to the deepest depths of bad, it somehow then dives even farther. It's simultaneously hilarious and disturbing, and I love it without any irony.

How can you not embrace a movie with topless dance routines, violent rape, philosophical discussions on eating dog food, and nail artistry? Thanks to this movie, I can't pass a Versace store without exclaiming, "Look, it's Ver-SAYCE," and I aspire to one day fulfill my dream and recreate the flopping-like-a-dying-fish-in-a-swimming-pool-orgasm scene...

It's an inspired comedy that deserves to be a TV series with a laugh track, and someone obliged.

Where's the whiskey tits?

In my daily travels, I came across the Breast Milk Alcohol Test Kit. I know pregnant women are encouraged to refrain from drinking during their 9-month jail sentence, but it never occurred to me that it was an issue post-birth, but then, it's not a topic I'd have much reason to consider. But it got me wondering, how much alcohol is in breast milk if mom's gone on a bender? Is it like having Baileys Irish Cream on tap?

Prefiro transar no "escuro."

Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo, whose weight is fodder for even American TV shows*, found himself embroiled in a scandal involving three transvestite prostitutes this week.

After fighting with his girlfriend and dropping her off at her apartment, he said he was upset and when a prostitute came to his car and offered her services, he couldn't resist. He took her to a motel, where they met up with two of her colleagues, and discovered that all three were, in fact, men.

Local newspapers quoted one of the prostitutes, Andreia Albertine (pictured) -- otherwise known as Andre Luiz Ribeiro Albertino -- as saying that Ronaldo had threatened to hit him, on discovering his secret.

Which wasn't much of a secret, if the photo is any indication.

But what is she in the middle of air-quoting during her interview?

Prefiro transar no "escuro." Tenho "sífilis." Não sou "uma beleza tradicional." Eu não sei "como que trabalha." Eu nunca "tive sexo com uma mulher."

I like the "pole," not the "hole." Sometimes I wake up in the bathroom lying in my own "filth." I'm not "camera friendly." I don't know "how that works." I don't wear "clothes that fit."

Your ideas?




*During the 2006 World Cup, Stephen Colbert said of the lackluster Brazilian team: "Hey Brazil, where’d all your good players go? Oh, Ronaldo ate them."